Saturday, October 9, 2010

5 Text Messages You Should Never Send. Ever.

Here is a list of some text messages that we all know are obnoxious, and yet at the time they seem like a good idea. We’ve all done it, it’s like an addiction- so much easier to give in. I'm not saying I've never sent these, I have. But that doesn't mean it is cool. And forgive the unbridled snarkiness, but sometimes people need to hear the truth. I know that my friends will be sending me these texts for the rest of my life after reading this, but it’s the price someone has to pay.
1. “Hey” the mass text- not only is this a pathetic attempt to get people to talk to you, but it also leaves everyone you send it to feeling jaded because they know you don’t actually care about them- you are willing to talk to anyone. Literally, anyone at all. This is especially upsetting when you’re sitting in a large group of people and everyone gets the text at the same time.
2. “Are you still there?”- this is the number one killer of any good feeling I might have had for you. Ever. If you find yourself on the brink of sending this text, delete it. Immediately. If you don’t get a text back it is not because the object of your desire is in mortal peril and needs you to continue texting them so they can think about you as they die . If you think they forgot, what does that tell you about yourself? They didn’t forget. I promise.
3. “Wow, finally I get a response”- this is the equally sad cousin of the “Are you still there?” text, only it’s more passive-aggressive and therefore more annoying.
4. “Are you mad at me?”- Here’s a better question: Why would you ever ask this over text message? What good could come about from sending this, honestly? For one thing, if the person is actually mad at you, dealing with it over text is bound to lead to more miscommunications. You can’t really interpret vocal cues, body language, bitter sarcasm...ect. Two, if they aren’t actually mad at you then this message comes across as extremely insecure. And if they weren’t mad at you then, they are now. Just a rule of thumb- if you offended them in person, apologize in person.
5. “I just saw you”- Nothing is creepier than getting this text from someone (or anyone). It gives the feeling that someone is lurking around watching you, and you were probably doing something embarrassing that you didn’t want anyone to see. It also always begs the question of where and how? Were you creepin‘ around outside my place? Do I need to be concerned? Are you a shady individual? And again, was I being awkward at the time? I can’t help instantly likening any person who sends this text to Creepy Thin Man, from Charlie’s Angels. I instantly get a mental picture of them cutting of a piece of my hair and trembling as they sniff it violently. (The fact that I have a very active imagination, however, should not trivialize the seriousness of this text). This situation is a hard one to normalize, no matter who you are. And if you do choose to send this, you better hope your phone doesn’t accidentally delay the text until the middle of the night.
If you think of more, or need to call anyone out specifically, comment on this blog! If you think I’m wrong and want to call ME out, just be prepared to get barraged with texts asking if you’re mad at me....

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