Saturday, October 9, 2010

“Haters start ya’ engines”: A Thought About Kanye West

Recently at the 2009 VMA’s, Kanye West again made a fool of himself. He interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech in order to shamelessly plug Beyonce’s video as being “one of the greatest videos of all times”.  Taylor Swift stood there, speechless, evoking the sympathy of everyone in the audience.  Although as far as  tween idols go, Kanye picked the right to mess with.  Consider if he had done this to Miley Cyrus for example. Cyrus’ hit single would have come to life in a real “Hoedown Throwdown”.   While the act would have been appreciated by a large faction of cynics (who realize that Miley Cyrus is on the fast track to becoming the next Disney star to end up in rehab), it would have ruffled several feathers.  Dozens of fans, composed primarily of 12 year old girls and white people, would think about writing very strongly worded letters.  The Jonas Brothers would also likely get involved in defending their Disney co-star, revealing the little-known fact that Cyrus is actually the fourth Jonas Brother. This would account for questions about her unnaturally low voice.
Maybe we should all have more compassion on Kanye. After all, his self-appointed role as “the voice of this generation” must be a heavy burden to bear.  Like pretty much all of his songs, the entire quote makes little sense:
“I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice. It's me settling into that position of just really accepting that it's one thing to say you want to do it and it's another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan."
Your right Kanye, I’m sure your voice will be ringing in our ears long after you’ve checked  into Promises Rehab Center. After all, timeless truths like “Take your diamonds and throw 'em up like you bulimic” cut straight to the heart of the issues.  Sorry Barack Obama, but if you want to be the voice of this generation maybe you should follow in Kanye’s suit and change your name to Martin Louis the King Jr.  And then tell the American public to “address you as such”.   I know the “Vote for Change” theme won you the election, but if you want to ensure your place in history maybe you should adopt Kanye’s slogan:“George Bush doesn't care about black people.”  Although it might be safer just to stick with self aggrandizing messages like, ““Come on now! How could you be me and want to be someone else?”, “There’s a thousand you’s, there’s only one of me”, “Bow in the presence of greatness”...Just to name a few.
So maybe we should all stop blaming Kanye for speaking out.  I mean, clearly he’s an artistic genius.  Let’s all think about these inspirational words for a minute (which is probably longer than he took to come up with them) :
Y'all bridesmaids catch the garter
On nights when ye romance
Cameras flash so much
That I gotta do that yayo dance
That fact that you, and the rest of the American public, don’t know what that means is only an indication of your limited mind. Thanks  to translation from, a website that white people read to feel cultured, we learn that a yayo dance is “ A dance performed by tony yayo from g-unit in which he flails his hand in front of his face”. This only brings up more questions like, what kind of measurement is a g-unit?

Kanye fulfilling his quota of embarrassing moments.
Kanye fulfilling his quota of embarrassing moments.
After further research on Urban Dictionary, we see that g-unit is not a term of measurement, but is a group of rappers organized by 50 cent.  This definition is problematic because it assumes that you know who 50 cent is. And so the cycle continues until you’ve spent hours trying to figure out one question, becoming thoroughly ashamed that you know so little about pop culture, until you finally come to the conclusion that Kanye himself doesn’t even know what he meant.
Next time, skip the research. It’s impossible to understand great minds. Especially ones that have been enhanced by illegal substances.  Appreciate the gift that Kanye has given to the world, after all, his “music isn't just music- it's medicine.”
Well get me that prescription.

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